#because sherlock yeah he’s always deep down cared about what people think #but he’s good at hiding it #he’s good at pretending it doesn’t matter when people call him a freak #or when no one can stand to be around him for any longer than necessary #but it’s different when it’s john because john actually likes him #this person who’s actually good but not dull and who KILLED for him and who puts up with him longer than anyone else ever would have #who makes him tea and somehow is always just there when sherlock needs him #so when john is angry with him or disappointed or he says something like this #colleague #machine #it hurts and digs at him so much more than anyone always casually saying freak #or even saying they hate him #john’s opinion of him is actually IMPORTANT and he doesn’t know how that happened #somehow it went from something to preen over when john calls him brilliant or fantastic to this #to feeling disappointment in himself for disappointing john #or to being hurt when john doesn’t recognize him as a friend because jesus #sherlock WANTS to be john’s friend he WANTS john to be… proud of him #and it’s like realizing how fragile you actually are when your emotions come into play because john holds a lot of sherlock in his hands #the things he says matter more than he even knows when it comes down to it#fucking assholes
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Lady Karasu 