John: Hi I’m John Watson and I can’t keep track of which girlfriend I’m seeing but I can keep track of how many texts Sherlock is getting from someone who isn’t me over an extended period of time
Sherlock: The name is Sherlock Holmes and no one can touch me because I’m so cold and isolated and can’t even be bothered to remember the first name of someone I’ve known for many years but also by the way I know John’s middle name is Hamish because I actually went and tracked down his birth certificate to get it for my own personal knowledge