I love how humans have literally not changed throughout history like the graffiti from Pompeii has people from hundreds of years ago writing stuff like “Marcus is gay” “I fucked a girl here” “Julius your mum wishes she was with me” and leonardo da vinci’s assistants drew dicks in their notebooks just for the banter and mozart created a piece called “kiss my ass” so when people wish for ‘today’s generation’ to be like ‘how people used to’ then we’re already there buddy we’ve always been
The Hagia Sophia has inscriptions that were considered sacred for centuries until they were deciphered in the 70s to be Nordic runes saying “Halfdan wrote this”
my old english prof told us that theres a cave in Scandinavia where a viking gratified some runes like 14 feet up on the wall and when they finally reached it all it translated into was “this is very high”
Ancient Shitposting
Now on the History Channel
‘People have literally just always been people’ is genuinely my favorite fact about the world
“Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book.” – Marcus Tullius Cicero, 106 BC – 43 BC
museum curator, watching steve waltz into the smithsonian, the memory of having the stolen cap america authentic howling commando era uniform returned dirty and ridden with bullet holes still fresh in their mind: hide the VALUABLES
steve, reaching over the rope to poke at something on display: it’s my goddamn stuff???
I’M SAYIN’, every single level of management at the Smithsonian must have had an extensively well-documented migraine after dealing with the colossal shitshow raised by such thrilling items as “sock (woolen)” pulled from the pack of one “Rogers, Steve G., 1918 – 1945 lol whoops he’s back″
like i said in my initial reblog… all the people building stories out of this make me laugh with delight, but smithsonian & dc museum people adding their tags give me LIFE
… also steven grant rogers would be KIND and COURTEOUS to the front-line museum staff and not ask them stupid questions and you will pry that headcanon from my cold dead hands thankyouverymuch
oh steven grant rogers is KIND and POLITE and CONSIDERATE to front-line museum staff, he will politely move himself to the side so he doesn’t cause traffic issues if he gets recognized and a couple kids want pictures, he apologizes to security for causing a scene (he didn’t mean to! he thought his baseball cap disguise would work, bless him). he returns his maps (sweet and so unnecessary but then one of the volunteers can take a map captain america used and will probably sign for them back to their grandkids so that’s nice). the docents LOVE him; he’s both a Nice Young Man and also from Back in Their Day.
the collections and conservation staff however have sworn a blood oath of pure vengeance against him and nothing he ever does will change their minds. the textile conservator (we’ll call her lorraine) who had to restore the old captain america suit spent THREE YEARS OF HER LIFE on that stupid thing and it’s still too unstable to ever exhibit again. lorraine went through FIVE INTERNS, two of whom CRIED ON HER. she had to spend a fourth year making a replica because everyone was writing their representatives that the captain america suit wasn’t on display and they MADE HER DO IT.
like if steve thought any debrief in wwii he ever had sucked lol try lorraine, who has given up trying to catalogue what the fuck happened to that piece of shit suit and finally tracked down his cell phone number after six months of this hell project out of sheer bloody mindness and desperation and tricks him into her office through a series of absolute goddamn lies about idk public programming or some shit that steve might actually care about and then corners him and makes him give her a play by play of what, exactly, the fuck he did to that suit.
cuz, okay, listen. blah blah save the world blah blah, but steven grant rogers* stole a priceless museum artifact, bled on it, set it on fire, dropped it into the potomac, dragged it (WHILE WET) through river mud and god knows how many plants and bugs and microbes, got melting plastic and metal and shrapnel and other people’s body juices and skin and hair embedded in it–the only reason he lives is because he can give the full and accurate account of what the fuck he did to it and answer questions of how the fuck it can be slightly, slightly unfucked. not saved! not made to look like it was! certainly not able to be put on a mannequin and exhibited again! but like she can get some more of the mud and that chunk of charred plastic out maybe. otherwise, lorraine would have murdered that dumb bitch in a fit of justifiable rage, and no amount of charming “sorry ma’am”s would fucking save him.
A werewolf film written by a woman wouldn’t be as interesting because they know how unrealistic it is to be caught by surprise by something that happens regularly every damn month.
And then there’s that werewolf who goes three full moons without transforming, then transforms one night during a waxing crescent moon.
Now I’m imagining some on the werewolf form of the pill and having to regularly keep up their schedule and one werewolf telling another that they used to have such irregular changes but the pill now makes things so much easier and the other werewolves being like oh man I should talk to my doctor about this.
All i imagined is some poor fucker that’s like “you think you have it bad. I got my first change at 9 and change sporadically every 4 months or so. For 2 weeks. Sometimes it happens randomly so i just gave up.”
Wake up pissed and agitated with a headache and slam some aspirin with no real thought to the matter because it must just be a shit day. Halfway through the day they just “…oh shit that explains so much fuck fuck fuck”
@teland
I don’t usually reblog stuff, but this is just golden.
#these tags come back to my dash every now and then and y’all I am so proud of them you don’t even /know/ #I was so tired that night I almost didn’t even write them but then I was like ‘no for real though we all know how this would go’ #wolves written by people who have actually dealt with these kinds of problems would be faaar more interesting #wolves who were malnourished as children and now don’t always shift when they should because sometimes their bodies can’t support it #wolves who make it to unreasonable ages without their bodies pulling the plug–their first century’s looming on the horizon #and still every month like clockwork they rip and rend and bleed and their grandchildren are terrified this is the future they’ll inherit #wolves who spend a day with their heads in a ghirardelli box trying just to inhale the scent #because they know if they eat the chocolates they’ll be sick but god they want them /so bad/ #wolves who splurge on steak and fresh spinach and glare at anyone who side-eyes them while they shovel it in #they need iron dammit and anyway you have no idea what they’ve gone through these past couple days buddy you wanna stare a little harder? #wolves who get hella irritable vs wolves who become unbearably anxious vs wolves who just wanna stay in bed and cuddle forever #I have so many thoughts about this and maybe I shouldn’t babble about it constantly but fuck it I refuse to let the boring werewolves stand (more tags via @ereborne )
This is priceless
Going to work one day and changing the shift for the new were who’s been around you just long enough.
One month it’s just some body hair and the next month changing so hard it takes two weeks to remember what being human was like
Everybody and their cousin has experienced the argument “is a tomato a fruit or a vegetable” at some point in their lives. It’s a fun bit of trivia, and let’s know-it-all’s speak condescendingly, or at least they did like 10 years ago. “Knowledge is knowing tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad”. Whatever.
Which brings up the point, that botany and culinary sciences are very different. Botany is the study of plants, culinary is cooking and how things taste. Botany is science, and it has rules (kind of), where cuisine is full of guidelines that are completely cultural.
Tomatoes are a fruit. A fruit is how many plants have babies, and are made in the ovary of a flower. I have a diagram.
Armed with this knowledge we can know that tomatoes, cucumbers, squash, beans, peas and peppers are all fruit.
“Now”, I ask you, “what are lettuce, and cabbage, and spinach, and kale”?
“Vegetables”, you say, assuredly.
“Yes, but, what are they?”
“…vegetables”, you say, slower, and louder this time, not quite sure what I’m wanting from you.
No. They are leaves.
What are carrots, beets and radishes? Roots. What about celery and rhubarb? Stems. Potatoes? Tubers (food storage for the plant, and where new plant babies will grow from). Garlic and onions? Bulbs (also food storage). Mushrooms? They’re not even a plant, they’re a fungus, in the kingdom of fungi, which is somewhere between the plant and animal kingdoms.
“Vegetables” is just a word for plants that we eat, that doesn’t have enough sugar to be a fruit, and not enough flavour to be a herb or spice.
Botanically speaking, there is no such thing as a vegetable. They’re just different parts of a plant that happen to be edible.
There are other plants, normally considered weeds, that can be “eaten like a vegetable”. Dandelion, stinging nettle, dock, purslane, can all be cooked and eaten, making them vegetables, at least to the people to treat them as such. It’s all very cultural, and biased, and based on nothing but what people think it is. Therefore, they are not a real thing, it’s just a concept.
To celebrate the last day of summer, anyone who reblogs this post on September 22nd will receive an ebook read for reviewcopy of Our Bloody Pearl! *
What is Our Bloody Pearl?
#ownvoices #diversity #found family
After a year of voiceless captivity, a bloodthirsty siren fights to return home while avoiding the lure of a suspiciously friendly and eccentric pirate captain.
By accepting a read for review copy, you commit to posting a review of at least one sentence on either amazon, goodreads, or another review-based site approved by the author, upon finishing the book.
If you’re boost this but don’t need a copy, please tag it so I know ^^
* Because the globe is round and time is a lie, this means the actual give away will runfrom 1:00 UTC+12:00 to 23:59 UTC−12:00. In the spirit of the giveaway though, please try your best to reblog when it is the 22nd in your timezone!
* I have to personally email out every single one of these copies, so if by some bizarre stroke of fate the number of reblogs on this post far exceeds my capacity to send out copies, then I reserve the right to cut off winners once my fingers cease working.
* If you do not either have your ask box open or allow messages from tumblr users who do not follow you, then I’ll have no way to contact you and you will be automatically disqualified.
[I ALREADY HAVE A READER’S COPY – IT’S F’ING AWESOME – JUST SIGNAL BOOSTING!] [ ❤ ]
Y’all want to read this book. It is full of awesomeness.
EXCUSE ME SIR. I’M GOING TO NEED YOU TO CALM THE FuCK DOWN!
additional info: Limited Edition Madame FIGARO World Magazine Chinese version + Poster (inluding of ZYL) are open for reservation starting from September 17th.
Victor “Ego” Hugo actively refused to go to the Polytechnic school because he didn’t want to do A Math; his father tried to force him, financially, and he willfully bombed out
but by all records he totally could do math
he just really, really,really didn’t want to, ever
Furthermore, his dad actively didn’t want him to be a writer and cut him off financially unless he would agree to follow a more Mathtastic career; this is certainly a part of why Hugo worked so intensely on his writing career as a very young man
Les Mis is not only full of terrible math; it is in many ways the result of and monument to one man’s absolute devotion to Not Doing Math
Lady Karasu 